because i'm hungry

four agonizing months spent on attempts to start and sometimes even, ohmygodyayme, finish written assignments left me with no desire whatsoever to even let my hands feel the surface of a blasted keyboard. but if parking myself in front of a monitor while my fingers dejectedly reacquaint themselves with the various letters of the alphabet (which are infinitely more friendlier and appealing when they're made with semolina flour and swimming in sodium-laden "chicken" broth than when they're in these little, mocking squares of plastic and malice) means that i am kept away from eating that package of hazelnut cream-filled and chocolate-covered cookies that's been calling my name since yesterday, so be it.

because, yes, virginia, the long-awaited weight gain has come and not gone and, from the looks of it, will stay here for a loooong time. despite the fact that i KNOW that i am far from being overweight, there are times when i choose to ignore all the well-meaning reminders to "oh shit, stop being so goddamn anorexic" that i get from the ones who love me the most (except from my sisters. the bittersweet thing about having siblings is that while they could be the loveliest people in the world, they are also the first to hone in on your faults and imperfections, and feel no remorse in reminding you of them every chance they get. i have lost count of the times that i have been told "ate, i'm sorry, but you're fat." by these adorable creatures whom i share DNA with.) and just moan in horror whenever i try to wear one of my dresses and find that i couldn't even zip the bloody thing up. i am a girl, after all. and girls, no matter how much they deny it, will always, ALWAYS feel pangs of sorrow when they have to put away anything in their wardrobe and spend the days wistfully gazing at them and whispering that someday, when ice cream and cupcakes and pizzas with feta cheese and ground beef cease being so deliciously tempting, they will be reunited. hey hey.

remember episode 11 in season 7 of FRIENDS?

as my sister remarked this morning over our version of brunch -shrimp and rice and bagoong and mommy's mocha cake (hers) and cheesecake and green tea (mine)- "what? you're still in school?!?", i am unfortunately still not done with my summer course. sad, because summer's over and yet here i am, still trying to overcome my tendency to procrastinate and trying, oh dear, trying to start reviewing for my final exam and finally finish that effing paper (which was due, oh i don't know, two months ago. i'm just doing it for clearance purposes.)

but even though it felt like it, summer wasn't all about assignments and school- and work-related stress. it actually had its moments. and i'm not just talking about extremely patient and forgiving teachers at that.

it would not be easy encapsulating what i've done and realized the past months in a couple of sentences or so, but i'll try. only, i can't do it now. as much as i'd rather sit here and burden you with stories of various events and non-events, i still have three more sections to write for that way overdue assignment and three unread books to (un)cover for my final test.

i'll get on it as soon as i'm done with those.

unless procrastination gets hold of me again. then, well, good luck to all of us.

...

as a preview of that "what i did over the summer" extravaganza, i'm going to tell you that i've been doing a lot of baking. a LOT.

my latest pet project: cheesecake.

aside from the occasional craving i'd get for a slice (when i just HAVE to get the richest, creamiest kind available), i was never really a fan of cheesecake. but then i was able to try this apparently (i told you, i was never into cheesecake. i wouldn't know about these things.) famous cheesecake from brooklyn that promptly changed how i feel about it. it was like heaven in a tall, creamy, velvety piece of goodness anchored by a thin, simple crust and unadorned by anything else. i ended up finishing that mini-cake and licking my fork clean before you know it. and then i find out that it's not even THE BEST cheesecake out there. i get shivers just thinking about getting my hands on that.

anyhow, i decided to try baking one for labor day dinner. i think i was successful in ensuring that everyone in my family has met their daily requirement of fat and cholesterol and deliciousness. as for me, i can't seem to stop the cheesecake craving. i've been pairing each slice with a cup of green tea because, you know, i like to keep things healthy.

i think i could've gone on eating cheesecake for breakfast (and lunch. and dinner.) if not for that oprah segment i stupidly chanced upon this afternoon while checking for tomorrow's weather forecast (i think i'm beginning to be canadian. i'm obsessed with the temperature now. but only in Celsius.). oprah was talking to this lady, who i thought looked really good for somebody who's 45. only, she turned out to be 70 years old. and the woman was using that pilates bench and rollerblading around NYC like nobody's business. crap, i felt like a lazy, old sack of both withered and lumpy fat.

that's it. i'm buying into this whole new age and healthy lifestyle yadida.

as soon as i finish my cheesecake.